What I miss about Modelling and My Inspirations to Start Again

When I younger a lot of people use to tell me I should be a model. I suppose because I was rather skinny and tall. (Both aspects of myself that I hated during that time) So to be told I could use these things to an advantage sounded like a fantastic idea.

I started trawling the internet spending hours and hours looking for ways to get in to it. The first photoshoot I did I was so nervous. I had no idea what to do, it was for a modelling agency in Aberdeen. A couple of weeks after the shoot they sent me a letter rejecting me from their agency. I still have this letter. I was so upset but I wasn't ready to give up. It was hard work and lots of travelling back and forth from Scotland to London. For a long time I worked 2 jobs and modelled so I could afford the train fairs to get to London. I had to tell agents and photographers that I lived in London or they wouldn't book me. So when I got a call about a job often I had to jump on the train the next day to make the 7hr journey to get to London.

Eventually I moved to London when I was about 19.  I travelled, spent a lot of time in LA and New York. Worked for Victoria Beckham who told me she saw my pictures in OK magazine and thought they were amazing.

The reasons I stopped modelling I don't want to get in to as it is pretty upsetting for me but I feel like I have unresolved matters with modelling that I am not quite finished with it. That I want to end it on my own terms and give it one more go.

In 2012 I started doing a little bit of modelling again, a few photoshoots. The first one was awful, my confidence was so low. I hated every minute of it, I was uncomfortable, nervous, self concious and afterwards felt like I had totally forgotten how to do it all.  Then came the 2nd which went a bit better and the 3rd was ok although I still felt totally 'out of the loop'.

This time I want to take it slowly and not do things I am uncomfortable with. This time I know it isn't life or death and will do it to be proud of myself.  This time I will do it for myself and NOBODY else.  This time I will do it my way.

I am not quite ready to get back in to the industry as I still feel I am very fragile. Hopefully sooner rather than later I think it is worth a try. If I don't I think I may regret it.

I would like to do more commercial modelling like catalogues and online retailers like misguided.co.uk or boohoo.com I feel like these would be far safer options to start with and see how I go.

Maybe doing some proper shoots for my blog is a good idea too... what do you think?