Tuesday, 9 April 2013

The Blogger Slump Virus | WARNING CONTAGIOUS!!!!

Hear yourself saying things like.. what the hell am I blogging for? Nobody is reading it anyway! Everybody hates me! I am a crap blogger! My pictures are shit! Everyones blog is better than mine as you cry in to your pillow? You are not alone! The blogger slump is a seriously contagious virus which reaches far and wide to any and all bloggers in fact in medical circles it is throught that at one time or another every blogger will experience this dreaded disease!

Several celebrites have already succumbed to the effects of this debilitating disease!! *Warning pictures may be alarming*

So what can you do to innoculate yourself from it I hear you ask? Well to be honest there is nothing you can do... but, I have managed to compose a few steps you can take which may help should the dreaded virus take hold

1. Repeat this mantra to yourself at least 5,000,000 times a day "My blog is absolutely fantastic who cares if nobody other than myself is reading it"

2. Just keep blogging. The more posts you write the more chance you have of people reading your blog. I recommend 20-30 posts a day. And make sure they are quality posts or everyone will think you are full of crap. Stay up all night if you have to.

3. Send hundreds of emails and facebook messages to all of your friends and family with your blog link. If they really do love you they will check it out. If not find new friends.

4. Send the same tweet to every blogger you can find urging them to RT and read your latest amazing post. The more you tweet them the less chance you have of them actually reading your blog and they will probably think you are a f***ing idiot, they may even block you. But that just means you are great at social networking! Keep it up!

5. To be a savvy blogger make sure you include lots of words which are heavily searched for on google. You can use adwords to find them. Even if they have nothing to do with your post. Who cares? At least it will get people to your site. Win!

So when you excitedly go to check your stats to see you only had 10 views yesterday on a post which took you 5 hours to write, don't worry. In the words of Kevin costner in a field of dreams "If you build it, they will come" and if they don't come well at least you still have your pillow to cry in to.

And remember the words you are painstakingly spending hours writing will help heal the world from poverty and starvation so it is up to you... keep blogging and everyone will be happy or stop and the whole world will die. It really is your choice... I know which one I am choosing!!!

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  1. this post actually made me cry with laughter a tiny bit.. makes me so happy when bloggers don't take themselves too seriously DILAF
    x Lisette Loves x

  2. I love this post! New follower :)

  3. Haha brilliant! It happens to us all! xx

  4. I love this! its such a great, relatable post!

  5. awesome post!


  6. Your so funny Ashly, great post I loved the photos!


  7. Oh Ashly, this was utterly hilarious... I love this post... I really wish I could write something this funny... I can tell funny stories in real life but they seem to lose something in the written translation...

    I think it is because I am so animated... hahaha

    Great post, I am reading and I will continue.. not sure I will read 20 posts per day though... lol

    1. lol thanks Launna!! I think you could do it :-)

  8. This is a funny and lovely post! <3 Thank you so much!

  9. haha what an amazing post. loved every bit of it, great use of language of pics.. brang a smile to my face :)

    1. Aww thanks lovie that is good to hear :-)


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