How to Quickly Stop People from Holding you Back

Relationships, business, work, health, mind, ever wanted to change or improve something in your life but somebody is in the way? Someone is stopping you or annoying you or not letting you do what you want to do?

Do you ever utter the words, if only my boss would give me that promotion then I could get the new car I want. I wish my boyfriend would stop putting me down then I would be so happy.  If only my parents would give me more pocket money then I could go on that holiday with my friends?

What if I told you that there is a solution to your problem, that there is an answer to that person or situation 'getting in your way'?

3 years ago I wouldn't have believed you. I would blame others for where I was in my life, that I was unhappy or didn't have enough money or time and wasn't living the dream I'd hoped for. Until a situation forced me to look at myself at the choices I had made.

What I realised was that I was where I was because of me, myself! Nobody held a gun to my head and said I must be in that relationship or be working with this person or doing that job.I realised the choice was mine.

"The degree to which you accept responsibility for everything in your life is 

precisely the degree of personal power you have to change or create anything in your life" 

- Hal Elrod

By not making my own decisions and desires clear to myself and others, I was unconsciously choosing to let others lead me and let them make decisions for me, which in the long run I wasn't happy with, so how could I blame those people?

I want to tell you this so that you don't make the same mistakes that I did.

Whatever situation we are in is actually of our own making. At first I was so scared of this revelation, it meant I had to look at myself, that I was responsible for me and my own happiness.

After sometime sitting with this I got very excited and began to feel empowered. I am in control!!! I decide my future, just like you do!!

We have the power to change anything we aren't happy with!! A great book that helped me with this is 'how to get from where you are to where you want to be' by jack Canfield.  I highly recommend it, especially if you are looking to take control of your life or are in a situation be is work, relationship, living situation that you are not happy with.

Please don't spend time moaning about others, what they are or aren't doing for you or how they are treating you, when you have the power to change any situation you aren't happy with!

A friend of mine was always complaining about Facebook and how there were people on her timeline venting about their relationships or work and it made her so frustrated!  We spoke about it at length and she realised she had the option to change her frustration, she could either leave Facebook or delete/unfollow the people whom frustrated her.  Right then and there she unfollowed all the people whose comments frustrated her and she stopped moaning!! She changed from frustrated to empowered in an instant! Simple as that!

I hope you found this useful, please share any revelations you have had recently or any advice you have to help shift from an unhappy situation in to a positive place :-)

Love Ashly x

Gratitude.. BS or truly revolutionary?

Gratitude (thankfulness, gratefulness, or appreciation is a feeling or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive.) 

Have you heard of it before? It seems like all of a sudden it is everywhere.  Party due to the book 'The Secret, by Rhona Byrne' becoming so popular (if you haven't read it, check it out).

I have practiced it for quite a few years now.  However, I have to admit in the first few years I didn't truly understand it and I wasn't truly grateful for a lot of the stuff I was trying to force myself to believe I was grateful for.  When I look back now I realise it wasn't working for me, how can you be grateful for a job you hate? Or for a relationship you are in which is making you unhappy? No matter how hard you try to be thankful for these situations in your heart, you are not.  Ever have that feeling when you say 'I really do not like my job' and someone reply's 'you should be grateful you have one, many people don't' (The world should in my opinion is horrid but thats another story)... Do you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach? You feel guilt for not being grateful for this job which you hate.  This creates all sorts of negative feelings toward yourself and sometimes others.  So how can this gratutude work if that is the case?

Now I am in a much happier place, life is very good! So I am truly thankful for many of the blessings I have. I now understand gratitude, how and why it works, This is what I am going to share with you today because I know it can help many of you to lead happier, more fulfilled lives.

What is Gratitude?

Gratitude has two components, it's an affirmation of the goodness in the world. Of positivity and benefits we have received.  Not ignoring all the bad but seeing an overall picture that some things are good (this is the part I didn't understand)

The second part is realising where your goodness comes from. Figuring out what you love and like, who and what makes you happy.

The Results speak for themselves

A study done by the university of California were 1000 participants simply wrote in a gratitude journey consistently for just 3 weeks showed astounding results...

Stronger immune systems,lower blood pressure, more joy and pleasure, more forgiving, more outgoing, feeling less lonely and isolated.

According to the university of California gratitude has 5 key benefits...

1. Gratitude allows us to celebrate the present. It magnifies your positive emotions. 

Research on emotion shows that positive emotions wear off quickly. Our emotional systems like newness. They like novelty. They like change. We adapt to positive life circumstances so that before too long, the new car, the new spouse, the new house—they don’t feel so new and exciting anymore. 

But gratitude makes us appreciate the value of something, and when we appreciate the value of something, we extract more benefits from it; we’re less likely to take it for granted. 

2. Gratitude blocks toxic, negative emotions, such as envy, resentment, regret—emotions that can destroy our happiness. 

You cannot feel envious and grateful at the same time. If you’re grateful, you can’t resent someone for having something that you don’t.

There’s even recent evidence, including a 2008 study by psychologist Alex Wood in the Journal of Research in Personality, showing that gratitude can reduce the frequency and duration of episodes of depression. 

Research has also suggested people who have high levels of gratitude have low levels of resentment and envy.

3. Grateful people are more stress resistant. 

There’s a number of studies showing that in the face of serious trauma, adversity, and suffering, if people have a grateful disposition, they’ll recover more quickly.

4. Grateful people have a higher sense of self-worth. 

When you’re grateful, you feel that the world is plotting to do you good. Often gratutude is aimed towards a particular person or kind act that person has done for you... the sense that someone else is looking out for you.  You notice relationships, past and present, of people who are responsible for helping you get to where you are right now.

So is gratitude just hocus pocus or is it truly something magical that practicing will make you happier?

Why not try it! For 3 weeks every morning write down or say out loud 5 things or people you are grateful for.

What have you got to loose?

Do you already practice gratitude? How have you found it has helped you?

Ashly xxx

Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway February

Hi ladies and gents, today is a very different type of post for me. In fact I have never broached this subject before.  The reason I am writing this post is because it is something that effects me daily and I think it can effect us all at different times in different ways.

After posting about my Detox, I found that not only did it really help me stick to it because I felt like if I didn't I would be letting you all down and I don't want to do that, I also got lots of messages saying how it inspired others to do the same and stick to theirs.  So maybe if I write about this subject it will help in this area too!

You might be thinking ok what is she talking about, so I will get to it...

fear

fɪə/

noun

noun: fear; plural noun: fears

1.

an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.

"I cowered in fear as bullets whizzed past"

synonyms:

terror, fright, fearfulness, horror, alarm, panic, agitation, trepidation, dread, consternation, dismay, distress; More

The type of fear I am talking about is the one which holds you back from new opportunities and experiences, when you say no to attending a meet up because of the thought of so many new people you don't know, when you don't pick up the phone and make that call about a new job because well what if they say you're not what they are looking for?

For years I have had this fear living inside me never sure of what it was, I just knew that certain things scared me and made me feel vulnerable and unsafe. Often I would avoid these people or situations. Now I realise that this is a form of anxiety.

The reason I am writing this post is because I am sick and fed up of being contained by this fear, I have well and trully had enough! 

 

The biggest part of it for me is worrying about what people will think, pre-empting what they will say and taking on those feelings inside myself. Even though half of the time I am actually wrong.

So with all this in mind I am christening this month of 2014 Feel the Fear and do it anyway February!!

My Plan of Action

1. Make every phone call I am 'thinking' about making

Throughout the day there are probably at least 5-10 calls I 'think' about making. Sadly that is as far as it has gone in the past, thinking. This in itself creates more fear, then anxiety because I haven't done what I was meant to. Then come the feelings of low self esteem. Oh golly what a visious circle!

I vow to my readers and myself that every time I 'think' about making a phone call I will act on it at that moment or put a specific time in my diary to do it. Once it is in the diary it HAS to be done, those are the rules people!

2. Ask for what I need

How often do you need help with something but instead of asking trudge on trying in vain to do it yourself, wouldn't it have been so much easier just to ask? 

I vow to my readers and myself that when I need help with something or I need a number/email address of somebody I am trying to contact I will just ASK! (note to self: It really isn't that difficult)

3. Say/Write what I am thinking

Am I the only one that can over think that I am writing or going to say? "what if the other person thinks it is wrong or doesn't agree with me"? So what, I say to that... 

I vow to my readers and myself that I will say and write what I am thinking. Starting with my new pinterest board called "F*** Fear in the Face"!!!  We live in a world full of differences and opinions that is why we all have a mind of our own, otherwise we might as well be procreating robots!

4. Make fear a source of fascination.

I read that accepting your fear and becoming fascinated by it is a sure fire way to conquer it.  

I vow to my readers and myself that I am going to find out everything I can about the source of my fear. Where does it come from? Why does it have so much power? Essentially I will become friends with it. Kind of like I did with my anxiety, I said "listen anxiety if you are going to be around for a while we might as well be friends"!

5. Celebrate my victories

I think it is really important to applaud yourself when you take a positive step. It gives you the determination to take another step, then another.

I vow to my readers and myself that I am going to become my own biggest cheerleader, applaud every step I take big or small. I will even treat myself to little prizes along the way! #loveyourselffirst

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this. Does anyone else feel like this? Does Fear hold you back at all? Do you suffer from anxiety?

Ashly xx

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