What the Henry...

Maybe this is a post which would be more at home in my diary but what the donkey I will put it on my blog anyway... 

Weeeelll the thing is you see I am feeling a bit jaded today. A little bit blue and a little bit sick of myself. Have you ever had a day like this? 

I just don't know what the He'nry to do with myself! 

I don't have my car so I can't go out and do stuff, I don't have most of my things because they are still in London and I am not. I just don't know what I am doing with myself to be frank! One of those bloody days! 

But then... I saw these pictures and I felt a little bit better, maybe, not really but they are funny!

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Beauty Really is in the Eye of the Beholder!

 

I just saw this video on futurefreaksme blog. It is essentially an advert by Dove. Yet it really triggered something in me emotionally and got me thinking... 

Why is it that as women we see ourselves so differently to the way others see us?

If I had been one of the women in that video I would have described myself as having a long face, small smile, thin lips, big forehead and big chin. I have always been a harsh critic of myself. A lot of this stems from the bullying I received as a child for the way I looked. Not that I looked strange, in fact when I look at pictures of myself I see a small, cute little red head but at the time I hated myself. This is pretty much the same for most of the periods in my life. Even if I look at pictures from 6 months ago, at the time I may not have thought I looked nice; too fat, too skinny, too this too that but when I look back I see something completely different.

I sat listening to these women describing themselves. I was literally shouting at the screen saying "that is not true!! you are so beautiful". Upon actually hearing myself saying these things, what I realised was that in fact I was talking to myself. I need to listen to my own thoughts about those women and accept the words myself... 

"that is not true!! you are so beautiful"

So how does it make sense for me to continue with the negative opinions and beliefs I have about myself when I am shouting at the screen to these ladies that their descriptions of themselves are so wrong?

The truth is that I wish I could love myself more and I try everyday. This video has made me see that actually I am not alone in the way I see myself. All these other women feel the same. This gives me strength and courage to try and like even a tiny bit of myself.

I really think that as women we all deserve to love ourselves and there is nothing wrong with that. People say 'nobody is perfect' but actually I think every one of us is perfect... Our flaws make us perfect. Because Nature doesn't make mistakes, we are all exactly how we are suppose to be.

All my love

Want to know what it's Really like to be a model? Victoria's Secret model Cameron Russell Speaks & My Views

Victoria's Secret model Cameron Russell has recently spoken very honestly at a Ted conference about modelling.

It is extremely rare to hear a model, especially one who is at the peak of their career, speak so openly about modelling in this way. For the most part it is known that you don't say negative comments about people or situations in the industry, the fear is that it will lead you to miss out on jobs and that people wont hire you. So to hear this is a breath of fresh air and desperately needed. 

How many models have you heard of say anything negative about their industry?

In fact I believe we need a lot more of the truth so that all these young girls who dream of being models at least know the reality of the industry and not just the dream and image presented to them. 

Maybe then they will choose another career option or at least they will not be so unhappy and surprised when they realise that being on the cover of a newspaper doesn't cure your insecurity or give you a ticket to lifelong happiness. That the smiling model they see in Marie Claire looking so perfect and happy is a creation and not a reality.

Cameron even chose to show pictures of herself in 'reality' next to pictures 'created' at certain times in her life. See below:

Cameron Russell pictures used at Ted

As a girl who has also modelled for nearly 10 years and faced some awful situations and blows to my self esteem and confidence I felt what she had to say was very powerful. I think it is so important to separate 'reality' from advertising and composed images.

I agree, seeing yourself in an advert doesn't often make you beem with excitement and joy but it can make you critise yourself and look at ways you could look better. Partly because there are often people telling you these things so you get used to thinking that way about yourself. The unsaid when you don't land the job you casted for, thinking why? Was it my hair, my nose, my stomach.  You feel like you aren't good enough.

"I am insecure because I have to think about what I look like everyday. If you are ever wondering if I have thinner thighs and shinnier hair will I be happier? You just need to meet a group of models because they have the thinnest thighs and the shinniest hair and the coolest clothes and they are the most physically insecure women probably on the planet" - Cameron Russell

One thing I really hated was castings and always will. I was self conscious, shy and very naiive. You can't help but sit and compare yourself to the other girls waiting to go in. If somebody said something about the way I looked I took it very personally and believed what the 'authority' figure said. If you want that career you don't have any choice you can't say well F**k them I think I look great because you want the job so badly. You need it to survive.

Being fearless is being honest and here is me being honest.

Modelling isn't for everyone sure it can be good to hear your friends and family praise you and say how good you looked but when you don't feel it yourself it doesn't make much difference. In your head you know those aren't the people who are going to give you your next pay cheque. The sad thing is that when my family would tell me I was looking too thin I would think to myself, yes maybe here but not in 'my' world (the modelling world).

Pic Left me messing around | Right LA fashion week

It can be demoralising and lonely. Sure there have been times that I have enjoyed. When you are on the catwalk and everyone is looking at you and taking pictures you feel powerful and special. Those are the moments in between.

I am proud of what I have done but if I have a daughter one day and she wants to be a model I don't think I would be jumping out of my chair in excitement.

See the speech here

I Would love to hear your thoughts on this ladies x

A little girls freedom to choose... What do you think?

I wanted to share something Jada Pinkett Smith posted on her facebook wall, which I found so incredibly touching...

Willow Smith & Jada Pinkett Smih
Urgh so gorgeous!

**A letter to a friend...

This subject is old but I have never answered it in its entirety. And even with this post it will remain incomplete.

The question why I would LET Willow cut her hair. First the LET must be challenged. This is a world where women,girls are constantly reminded that they don't belong to themselves; that their bodies are not their own, nor their power or self determination. I made a promise to endow my little girl with the power to always know that her body, spirit and her mind are HER domain. Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the length of her hair. It's also a statement that claims that even little girls have the RIGHT to own themselves and should not be a slave to even their mother's deepest insecurities, hopes and desires. Even little girls should not be a slave to the preconceived ideas of what a culture believes a little girl should be. More to come. Another day.

J**

When I read this I cried. I felt so strongly that this is right. 
That We should be empowering young girls to believe that their body and minds belong to themselves.

That they are powerful and precious, that they have value and are special no matter what colour their hair.

In a world where women are a slave to looking perfect, where girls as young as 6 or 7 have eating disorders. We need to challenge the views set upon these little girls and us by society or perhaps even their mothers in some instances.

Then maybe just maybe we as women will allow our unique qualities to shine. We wont be afraid of what everyone thinks of us and indeed we wont be trying to please others at the expense of ourselves.

Maybe the world will be a more creative place?

Just an amazing statement from Jada and I salute her!

What do you all think, is she right? Should we allow our little girls the freedom to make their own choices?

Do you stop yourself from cutting your hair/doing what you want to do for fear of what others will think?

Much love and happiness Ashly xxx

The Celebrity Secret to being Healthy, Skinny, Happy!

I recently read a very interesting post by Retro-Chick here and it really got me thinking.

Why are we all so obsessed with other peoples issues and flaws(in this case their body weight) instead of accepting our own?

Me
I have been thin my whole life. My mother is very thin, her mum is the same way. Yet I have struggled most of my teenage/adult life with others commenting negativity about my appearance.

"What do you eat" "you can't be that slim naturally" "your boobs must be fake" "you are too slim" "you need to eat more".... and the list goes on. All of these comments really upset me and made me think that there was in fact something wrong with the way I looked. Maybe I shouldn't look this way?

It was like they thought I had some huge secret and just wasn't telling... I didn't!

In my experience the people who commented on my appearance seemed to think it was ok to do so because I was slim, yet they wouldn't be saying "you are too fat", "you need to eat less" if it was the other way around. Maybe they wouldn't want to know the secret to being over weight?

I, like any woman, have struggled with who I am and the way I look which includes issues with my weight. Most of these have been linked to how I feel inside and not to do with wanting to be thinner. In fact I have always struggled to put on weight.

But there is a bigger issue here for me...

Because of the way I look people assume I am happy. There have been so many times in my life when I have felt completely the opposite but because of my appearance people struggle to accept that. I have been crying out for help and support yet it has gone unnoticed.

I have gone the other way and stopped wearing make up, stopped doing my hair and wearing nice clothes. Just for people to see how I really felt inside.  I realise this is the wrong thing to do. But when I am unhappy I feel like a fraud all dressed up. And I just want to hide and for nobody to notice me.

Now I find it easier to ask for help when I feel down but even when I am at my lowest, I still feel this huge pressure to pretend my life is perfect when I know it is not. So Why?

The secret

I think part of the problem is the image that celebrities promote about this 'secret'.  This huge 'secret' to health, success, beauty, youth and happiness. Something that makes them special and different, almost like they are super natural...

It keeps a divide between them and the rest of the world.

So do you want to know what this huge secret is?

Drum roll...

The secret is... 

there is no secret!

How annoying is it when you read about a celebrity who was 2 stone heavier last year protesting they eat what they want and haven't been on a diet. You are like 'ok whats their secret?'. But of course it is rubbish. In fact if they told the truth don't you think we would all be a little clearer on reality? Instead we believe that there is some massive secret to being slim or being healthy and because we don't know what it is we aren't as special or as great as them.

Let me tell you something; most celebrities have an abundance of help from chefs to make up artists, dieticians, yoga teachers, beauticians, agents, pr and the list goes on. There is probably more effort put in to their 'image' as there is to their actual work. All to give off this impression of perfection. I don't blame them or anybody else. This is the machine that has been created, it keeps the money coming in, it creates this divide between the 'celebrity world' and the rest of us. Making them appear different, special. And don't we all want to be seen as special?

There seems to be this huge fear that if we all knew that Celebs and movie stars are just the same as you and me, maybe we wouldn't be so interested in their lives. The industry goes to huge lengths to keep 'this secret'.

God forbid we find out that our favourite Hollywood hottie is not perfect!

Imagine that... there are people paid millions of pounds to hide the celebrities flaws; their affairs, their gambling addiction, their drink driving convictions, their father in prison, their eating disorder, their diet, their 6th toe, What ever it may be.

But the truth is we are all the same. None of us are perfect, we are all flawed! No matter how much money is spent concealing them, they are there and always will be..

Our flaws are what make us real, are what make us interesting and are what make us, us!

So lets embrace our flaws. Lets sing from the roof top about our spots, our love handles, our obsessions, our secrets, our hopes, our dreams, our truth!

Maybe if we do this we won't feel so much pressure and stress to appear perfect...

I know it isn't easy, in fact it is surprisingly difficult to just admit... I am flawed! But there it is people... the truth and do you know what? I feel so much better for saying it :-)

Love and happiness

Ashly xxxxxx