Bloggers... do you care about followers? I do!

The funny thing is I first titled this post "Blogging... things I have learned and how to promote yourself" and I think you will see it has turned it to something completely different. A post full of positivety, I hope :-)

I have seen a lot of bloggers say that they don't care how many people read their blog or how many followers that they have. And maybe they don't but, Well the truth is I do care... there I said it. I care. If my hit counter says 1 or 100 it does affect me. 

I started my blog like all others talking (or typing rather) and not knowing who if anybody was listening. I waited and waited hoping to login and see a comment from somebody, anybody just so that I would know I wasn't alone. It took months until I got my first one and even then it was more of a link bump than a 'real comment'.  But I had to keep going, some of these words I just had to get out. I needed to focus on something else for a while, something away from my 'real life' and do you know what it helped, it was a distraction and I believe blogging is really helping me get through one of the toughest times in my life. 

It isn't blogging alone getting me through, but the community. Having something in common with all of these other people. I have always found it very difficult to make friends and I think as you get older it becomes more so. Bloggers are supportive, helpful and caring towards each other. Put up a post saying that you are feeling down and no doubt you will have many comments wishing you well. Put up a post saying that you are happy sharing some good news and no doubt you will have comments congratulating you on your happiness.  It is this support from other bloggers that is so special.

Reading about problems others are facing which I can relate to helps me so much too. It gives me courage to share my own story and opinions. It makes me feel like I am not alone. And being lonely is the worst feeling in the world to me.


I have always been shy about sharing my true feelings and opinions.  I didn't want to be singled out or to be seen as 'different' if I gave my opinion, I was afraid of what people would think of me. I so badly wanted to fit in and at the same time I wanted to be special, different (I think this is something that caused me a lot of problems... but thats another story for a different day). 

Blogging has opened me up. It is making me less afraid of telling the truth and saying my own opinions. Hell if I can announce them to the bloggosphere for anyone to read.  Surely I can speak up if I don't like carrots (I do by the way).

So if I am sharing all this with the interweb then I do hope that somebody else is reading and that maybe just maybe some of the things I have shared might help them too.

The thing is that anybody can be a blogger no matter who you are or where. As long as you have internet access and a computer device, the blogging world is your oyster. There are blogs about beauty, animals, fences, farms and food. So if you have an interest there will be a blog about it. This is what makes it so special. You really can find others who care and share about the same things you do.

So that is the truth, I do care if others are reading my blog, and I am not ashamed to admit it. I want them to read and comment and communicate with me via instagram and twitter. It makes me happy.

So thank you blogging for giving me so much. It may sound cheesy but its true and that is my opinion :-)

It would be lovely to hear how blogging has helped or not hepled you...

love

What I miss about Modelling and My Inspirations to Start Again

When I younger a lot of people use to tell me I should be a model. I suppose because I was rather skinny and tall. (Both aspects of myself that I hated during that time) So to be told I could use these things to an advantage sounded like a fantastic idea.

I started trawling the internet spending hours and hours looking for ways to get in to it. The first photoshoot I did I was so nervous. I had no idea what to do, it was for a modelling agency in Aberdeen. A couple of weeks after the shoot they sent me a letter rejecting me from their agency. I still have this letter. I was so upset but I wasn't ready to give up. It was hard work and lots of travelling back and forth from Scotland to London. For a long time I worked 2 jobs and modelled so I could afford the train fairs to get to London. I had to tell agents and photographers that I lived in London or they wouldn't book me. So when I got a call about a job often I had to jump on the train the next day to make the 7hr journey to get to London.

Eventually I moved to London when I was about 19.  I travelled, spent a lot of time in LA and New York. Worked for Victoria Beckham who told me she saw my pictures in OK magazine and thought they were amazing.

The reasons I stopped modelling I don't want to get in to as it is pretty upsetting for me but I feel like I have unresolved matters with modelling that I am not quite finished with it. That I want to end it on my own terms and give it one more go.

In 2012 I started doing a little bit of modelling again, a few photoshoots. The first one was awful, my confidence was so low. I hated every minute of it, I was uncomfortable, nervous, self concious and afterwards felt like I had totally forgotten how to do it all.  Then came the 2nd which went a bit better and the 3rd was ok although I still felt totally 'out of the loop'.

This time I want to take it slowly and not do things I am uncomfortable with. This time I know it isn't life or death and will do it to be proud of myself.  This time I will do it for myself and NOBODY else.  This time I will do it my way.

I am not quite ready to get back in to the industry as I still feel I am very fragile. Hopefully sooner rather than later I think it is worth a try. If I don't I think I may regret it.

I would like to do more commercial modelling like catalogues and online retailers like misguided.co.uk or boohoo.com I feel like these would be far safer options to start with and see how I go.

Maybe doing some proper shoots for my blog is a good idea too... what do you think?